its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
