mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
