Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
