dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
