I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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