I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my being single is dangerous.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
