she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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