WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
