If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
