i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
