Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm like, not good at living.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
