I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
