So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
