Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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