i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
