Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
