so explain again why im purple
no
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
