this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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