just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
