Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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