so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
