i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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