I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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