The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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