There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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