Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
