he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
