Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
