in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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