no one should ever give us hovercrafts
organizing the empties. That sober.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
