I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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