May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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