all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
