oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
