I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
