I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
