is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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