So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
