They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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