he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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