you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
