It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm bleeding and have questions
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
