just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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