No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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