Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
