he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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