Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
