we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
