Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
