listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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