FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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