I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
