i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
