Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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