Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my poor anus
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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