I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
