I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is Oprah even human
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
