He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
