There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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